We said our goodbyes in the beautiful Naween Guesthouse garden. Khan gave us each a small hand-made carpet, a traditional Afghan gift. He was beaming with satisfaction and gratitude because his dream of bringing Nonviolent Communication to Afghanistan was finally realized.
He said two thirds of the participants were very happy with the training and wanted to continue with NVC. Those who didn't enjoy it so much were the ones who had to rely entirely on translation. A glitch to be worked on.
Once my friends left and I had no more work to do, I decided to leave. The incident with the German woman drove all internationals further into safety behind thick walls. Not my idea of fun.
At the Kabul airport, I met a Korean woman of Canadian nationality leaving for a few weeks' vacation to visit family in Korea. She had been very upset about the Korean hostages and needed a break. She and her husband have completed 2 years of a 3 year commitment to introduce soybeans to Afghanistan. Then they'll return home to British Columbia.
There are many Korean nationals in Afghanistan. They were called back home by the South Korean government because of the hostage situation. This is a loss to Afghanistan because Koreans have built and staffed several hospitals and schools in the country and their leaving will impact the country.
You have probably read that the German woman was released. The people who had abducted her were "criminals" according to the news media and they were found by Afghan law enforcement. I heard some other interpretations implying factions in the government create incidents like this to de-stabilize the situation.
Karzai is seen as a puppet of the US government and thus widely disliked and mistrusted.
I'm digesting what I've seen, heard and learned and I can't say I'm clear about any of it. It's a kaleidoscope of images and ideas I'm looking at. The situation in this ancient country is complex.
What I do know is that violence does not work and that Afghans, while they need and appreciate help, want to decide their own fate. When I say "Afghans," I mean Afghan men. It may be that Afghan women feel the same way but their voices are hardly heard even though a small handful of brave women are speaking loudly against the corruption that's soiling the lives of all of them.
Our NVC training is a drop in the bucket. There will be more NVC drops released into the bucket. As my NIA teacher, Rachael, says "imagine the drop as ink falling into a bucket of water."
Please come to my talk and slide show on Wednesday, September 19 at 7pm at the Community Center in Ashland. I'm calling it "Afghanistan: Peacebuilders in a War-torn Country." Admission is free. I'll be gifting you out of gratitude for your loving and generous support.
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Yesterday, after Vernena and Freidel left, (she messaged me that they had to go through 14 checkpoints before getting on the plane!) I felt brave and decided to walk to a store where I could get some "biscuits." I asked Aziz at the front desk if he thought it was safe for me to walk alone. I'd already inquired if the area I was going to was considered safe. Aziz recommended I stay away from the curb, so as not to be grabbed into a car.
That sobered me a bit but I carried on. I wished I knew how to move around in a burqa but all I had was my black scarf, the chador. I hid as much as possible under it. I received some nasty remarks and the beggars made a beeline for me. Some carry a can with burning asoefetida (sp?) giant fennel, disgusting smell. It's supposed to keep away evil spirits. I watched Said flick his hand to tell beggars to leave. I tried it and it worked.
So I walk about 8 blocks feeling pretty impressed with myself though I'm also scared. I don't find the market and return on the other side of the stree by the same route. Close to the guesthouse I befriend the bakers and take photos. Buy a small round of na'an.
I learn the next day that just hours before my jaunt, a German woman was abducted at gun point while she was having lunch with her husband at a small restaurant. She speaks fluent Dari and has been working for a small Christian NGO.
So I cancelled plans to go trekking in search of the store today and surrendered to the beautiful guesthouse overwatered garden and a special lunch at the home of an Afghan family.
It's independence day today. Independence from Britain. But for security reasons, it's not celebrated other than to have a holiday from work. If there were a celebration it might draw a suicide bomber. That's the biggest fear.
One is warned about being in the traffic roundabouts but I've been often in a car in a roundabout packed with taxis, carts, minivans (those are minibuses) military pick ups, bikes, and there would be no way to move away from the "clean shaven, man in his 20's or early 30's and dressed in traditional local dress" potential suicide bomber.
Pray the German woman is released.
Meanwhile, I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon with a man staying at the guesthouse and his son. I'm so thankful to be going with him because he knows important people, is Afghan, speaks perfect English, and is kind.
Khan gave us a small Afghan carpet as a thank you gift. He's very pleased that we helped him realize his dream of initiating NVC in Afghanistan. He feels the training was a success. 20 of the 30 who completed the training were very happy with the training. The others mostly complained about the issue of translation. Khan had determined from the start that people needed English to take the training but several people came who have no English at all.
The translation issue really was multi-layered. For Verena English is a 3rd language and she speaks it quite well. For many of the participants, the vocabulary they know is from Development, Economics, Management etc. when they encounter those same terms, like "Demands" or "Needs"" but used in an NVC way, it's pretty confusing.
The museum visit, by the way, did happen and it was intersting but disheartening. There were a number of statues from 2Century BC to 4 Century AD. Beautiful Buddhas. They meant nothing to the Taliban who bludgeoned most of them. I'm tired of seeing the destruction of war. There's no place in me that's ok with the violence that has damaged this country. Yes, it's great the US helped get rid of the same Taliban that the US had also helped arm and empower. But. . . there has to be a better way than shooting and bombing.
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Last Friday we were taken to a lake just outside of Kabul, a big silty lake teeming with people. Boys and men played in the water and along the edges of the lake, women sat in the shade of trees. It was terribly hot. Most women work burqas.
This Friday we took it easy in the guesthouse garden. We didn't get to go to the museum or anywhere else. In the afternoon, after the heat of the day, Verena and I walked about 4 blocks to a compound of several shops with quality craft work for sale. all by ourselves! We would have liked to walk for hours. At one intersection, we stopped to let 40 goats and their owner go by. This is in a high traffic area with all paved streets.
When we returned, around 6 in the evening,the young men who hang around here were flying a kite. I counted 19 kites in the sky. About 7 men in their 20's took turns maneuvering the kite as they battled another kite and lost. They've learned everything about kite technology as young boys. (Wealthy families frown upon this activity as they want their sons to be studying.)The string is thin cotton covered with some abrasive substance meant to slash the opponent kite's string. Boys and men get very involved in whether Pakistani or Iranian glue is best, what is the best design, most effective strategies for bringing down another's kite, etc. They will use crushed glass carefully glued onto yards of string to be more lethal.
I learned there's no phone book here, no central repository of phone numbers. Most places are located by being next to this shop, across from that embassy, one block from a certain restaurant, etc.
I'm watching the feeling of confinement, something I've been lucky not to have experienced often. Of course I think of the women here. I also think of people in jail for years or a lifetime, people in hiding during wars and other dangerous times, people confined to wheel chairs or beds due to illness. It's an interesting experience. After going through anger about it, fear it'll be unbearable, there's nothing to do but relax, narrow the focus, go inward. I met the resident turtle and watched it travel across the grass to a shady bush. I spent time with a very thin cat who appreciated some bits of na'an I had to share.
I'm immensely grateful to be connected to you all via this magical internet.
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We went to a place above the city today after the workshop ended and looked over the whole of the Kabul valley. The air was cleaner and it was a beautiful view. It's quite a spectacular valley with the Hindu Kush mountains guarding it.
Now NVC has been introduced to Afghanistan. I'm grateful to have been part of that. E.ach participant received a fancy certificate with handshakes and lots of "tashakoor," thank you. I think the women in the workshop appreciated the role model Verena and I presented. We stood up to the BRD guys several times to get them to stop and translate for us when they'd get involved in discussions in Dari. NVC is not a natural fit here. Folks are used to hierarchy and giving and receiving orders. I don't know why there are few women in the training except that there are few women in the workforce. Mostly they work at home.
I've met people who do wonderful service. A doctor with Save the Children UK works in a northern province where they have schools and health programs for kids. They teach hygiene and also teach kids their right to not be abused.
Another man works with children in a program that has donors from Italy and from the UK. Their contributions help the whole community. He loves his work.
Another works for Danish NGO that supports agriculture projects.
There are NGO's from the Czech republic, from Holland, and lots of UN organizations.
Then there are nations investing in Afghanistan. China's investing 100million dollars building roads and developing copper mines.
The laws in Afghanistan in terms of business are leftovers from the Soviet communist days. They're introducing 15 new laws to change the economy to what they call an "open" economy with lots of privatization of government enterprises. USAID is funding this transition.
Today I was told there are a lot of "over-age" employees in their 50's and 60's (over-age!) and they're trying to create a "safety net" for them before they fire them all. Then the government enterprises can be modernized.
Of course, the key to assuring all this effort will have a lasting impact is the eternal "security." Of which there is very little.
I get bits of information from conversations and reading but I can't say I understand anything about this very different culture. I have had heart connections with individuals and that's so very satisfying. Magical.
Traffic. This is an insane scene. Total chaos. There can be 6, 8,cars carts, minivans, bikes, and trucks abreast with just inches between each. Somehow they all move and get somewhere. Lots of the taxis have right hand steering wheels. In the neighborhood streets, even the busy ones, suddently there'll be someone driving 12 animals, a donkey or 2, a couple of sheep and some goats. The animals wander between cars.
There are tons of vehicles of all sorts and each goes wherever, forget the left and right hand side of the street or any other rules of the road.
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We completed the 2nd day of training. Wow! what a ride. The participants are so lively, so engaged, so eager, so quick. I've never dealt with a group like this. Mostly, of course, it's the men. They're wild with their enthusiasm. They don't let anything go by. If we say we're going to do something and they think we aren't doing it they call us on it right away. They want to know everything, understand it exactly.
We've asked for their patience because they're used to the many trainings they get from the various UN and other aid organizations. These are left brain, steps and charts with objectives and so on kinds of trainings. We talk to them about connecting from the heart. I love the hello gesture, Salaam with the right hand to the heart.
One woman came the first day but not today and I hope she comes back. Strong, confident, willing to take leadership, brought up the issue of gender equity. She's the first Afghan woman I've met who seems to have a strong sense of herself and unafraid to speak up in a group.
One middle aged woman also stood up and said she didn't know English and wanted translation. Apparently she's here from far away and staying in a hotel which is a very big deal.
What I hear is that women submit to their husbands wishes so if they haven't previously worn the burqa and he says she must, she does, even if she hates it. If they have never known any freedom, they just live their lives and I have no idea how it is for them. I know that Saleem says we can come to his house and meet his wife but Freidel, Verena's partner cannot. In fact it's considered inappropriate to inquire about a man's wife or for him to talk about her. Saleem showed me a picture of his wife on his cell phone but we had to move away from the men when he did it.
We start the day with "verses from the Holy Qu'ran."
It's a very conservative Islamic country. We are getting to know a young man who works here who about 5 years ago (after the Taliban)told a friend he wasn't enjoying the Moslem thing and was thinking of converting to Christianity. He told a close friend who denounced him to the authorities. He ended up spending time in jail for this and was eventually released when he persuaded the judge he had been only joking. It's still illegal to convert away from Islam. Marriages are still arranged. This man would dearly love to emigrate but hasn't been able to.
He escorted us to a restaurant. We got a ride from a friend of his who's been living in Denmark for many years and returning to Kabul, the homeland, forholidays. Now he's spending a year here doing a project with street kids organizing sports activities for them. This is part of his university project.
The restaurant we went to, called Rumi, is for both foreigners and Afghans. That means alcohol is served in a bar, separate from the restaurant where no alcoholic drinks are served. Afghans are forbidden to drink alcohol. Of course there's a black market and apparently there's plenty of Jack Daniels at their parties.
The food at Rumi's was delicious and a welcome break from okra. I've had okra at 5 meals already. Also meat in a tasty if oily sauce, lots of rice, or potato and na'an. There is a salad plate with cucumbers, radishes, tomatoes, cilantro and hot green peppers. Similar to Mexican condiments.
One thing I enjoy a lot is the tea with a honey candy in it. Lots of green tea offered here. Also wonderful melons and big apricots.
Dot mentioned the meteor showers. At night I see a few faint stars. The air is so dusty after about 7 in the morning it just looks brown. I've started to wear a little mask I brought when I'm in the car on the way to the BRD because I was developing a cough. I've seen a few people wear them, like traffic police and some others. So no meteor showers for me this year.
I'm excited to see how the training will go tomorrow. Verena and I work very smoothly together. So far no one's brought up a really personal issue. I wonder if they will. They talk about issues like being in a village and a well is to be built for that village which is to be shared with the neighboring one. Only one well. The residents of one village will have to walk farther for their water. Conflict over resources.
But one on one we hear more and more stories like a man and his brother in a car driving along and the Taliban stop them. This is 2000. They search the car and find one music casette. So they're going to take both men to jail. My friend argues that the driver (who's his brother) was just working for him and shouldn't be punished for the casette. The Talib then beats the brother senseless in front of my friend. Now, that same man (the Talib) is the assemblyman for the area they all live in. He says "I will not revenge. But I cannot talk to him."
Moving on to finish on a dirty note. . . Garbage is handled in an interesting way. Much of this city, which is 2500 years old! is rubble and there are empty corners all over the place. People throw their trash there. Someone comes along with a herd of about 20 goats and lets them feed. They leave the plastic.
Thanks for your replies, I feel connected.
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